Wishy Washy

I’ve renewed my domain for a whole ‘nother year in hopes of keeping this part of my life alive. I don’t know why I did it, though, given that I haven’t exactly been consistent with my posts. Additionally, at one point, while rereading my previous posts, I found myself thinking, “Gosh, when the heck did I get so boring?”

(I’m typing this right now without an organized flow in mind [omg ORGANIZED FLOW, so boring] just because I’m hoping something good will come out of it.)

(This will be utter brainfart from here on in. You’ve been warned.)

So yeah, I don’t know. What is happening. Has real life finally gotten too interesting that idealistic/dream life decided to take a back seat? It would be real awesome to say that’s the case, but no. I don’t think so. I think, more often that not, it’s because I’ve been lacking focus lately. On all things. (I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before.) Like I feel like my work life, being a series of packing and unpacking, has made its way somehow into all other aspects of my being. When I’m at work, I give my all. When I’m at home, I do the same thing. In a sense that when it’s rest time, IT. IS. REST. TIME. That said, I spend the whole day in bed doing nothing. But surf the internet.

What could have been 12 hours of productivity turned into 2 hours of productivity and 10 hours of lying about doing nothing. This is unhealthy, I know, which is why I’m posting it here so you could shame me out of my bad habit. Also because this is brainfart, I tell you, and I just want to get out of this blogger’s rut. Golly.

I feel like I have so many interesting stories to tell and not enough time to tell them. Or I’ve found real life (offline, omg) people to talk to them about that talking to myself through blogging doesn’t seem as appealing anymore. At the same time, I feel like my words couldn’t give justice to the things I’ve been experiencing anymore. Like, just when I’m about to really sit down and discuss the beauty of, say, Oxford, England and the fun London trip that was, I am once again whisked away to another foreign land. (Wow, that’s such a #blessed #crewlife thing to say.) It’s fun, but also quite tiring and taxing on #theintrovertlife. Plus, it has a great effect on the “quality” (haha) of my blogs.

I honestly miss being able to rant and rave about stuff I’m passionate about. I miss REFLECTING. I miss coming up with theories and explaining them online and gathering opinions from readers (who have already probs unfollowed me, haha, I don’t blame them). I miss reading my Harry Potter books and writing blogs that use highfalutin words afterwards, just because I came by words like kerfuffle. I miss spreading positive vibes and talking about our wonderful and awesome God. (I still could, I just don’t have the time. Ergh. Bad.)

I’m so annoyed that all my paragraphs start with I, but yeah. I want to get out of this rut. I guess you could say this is me shaking the vibes off. (Gosh, I’ve said this countless times but still haven’t quite gotten out of it.)

Maybe I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. Forget the flow, just write. How does one do that again?

Brain fart. Proot.

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