Last week was a good week for my spirit. For the first time in a long time, I got to attend all of our church community’s activities.
One thing that struck me most was our teaching on Spiritual Foundations/Qualities of A Good Shepherd, wherein Tita L mentioned how we should stop once in a while and take the time to hear God’s message for us. She said something like, “Sometimes, we are such busy sheep that we fail to stop and not just HEAR, but LISTEN to what God wants us to do next; what God wants to happen in our lives.” The term “busy sheep” made me laugh, first of all. But most importantly, it reminded me of the “crisis” I thought I was going through.
Do you ever feel like you do too much?
I ask because I feel like I’m one of those who does too much but achieves so little. Does that make sense?
I feel like I’ve been going about things the wrong way lately. And by lately, I mean for the past year or so. Maybe since I started my job. My schedule has been so different from what I’ve been used to for about two years prior that I could basically compartmentalize my life now into just exactly three different categories: work, loved ones, and church. Lately, I noticed I’ve had less time to reflect on the thoughts that bother me; less time to do things that keep me creative; less time to reflect on God’s word before starting my day.
On the other hand, I’ve been spending more time experiencing new things (without necessarily documenting them); spending my “free time” with family and friends. I’ve also been more active in church activities (ironic). And lately, I’ve been forcing myself to stick to my 2015 goals. (So far, I’ve only made real progress on the book reading part. But yeah, that’s still a step up from how I was last year.)
Kinda off-topic: last month, I got to acquire a new toy to help me get back on the creativity track. Theo, my old laptop, gave up on me a few months ago and it’s only now that I actually got the time to sit down and tinker with this new-fangled contraption which I named “Sydney”. Immediately, I had so many ideas of things to do that the boyf actually told me to take it slow ’cause I’m once again wanting to do too much.
But that’s the thing, since my schedule is so tight, I feel like I have to do them now because I may not have time to do them again, and not being able to do them again would probably drive me insane and send me into another whatamIdoingwithmylife spiral.
I think my problem is that I still haven’t reconciled myself with the changes that have happened in my life. Being the introverted (?), change-resistant freak that I am, I refuse to think I lack time to do the things I used to enjoy doing before, and that I’ve also sorta changed as a person. On the one hand, I am enjoying all the things I’ve been doing lately, what with all the travels and church and social events and such. Zedd came to Manila recently. Watched that and experienced my first rave ever. THIS IS AN ACHIEVEMENT BECAUSE I HATE PEOPLE OKAY. (But do I really? #crisis) On the other hand, I miss being the ruminative, homebody that I am. Or was? I don’t know. I just miss contemplating about life. I miss being the well-rounded person that I felt I was, as opposed to the well-functioning member of society that I am now… oh wait.
Going back to Tita L’s coatable coat, I guess I realized this is God’s way of telling me to really take the time to just STOP for a bit. That’s it’s okay that my life can basically be divided into just three parts (since these are the most important, anyway). That whenever I have free time, I don’t always have to fill it with things to do.
But then again, I don’t feel like I’m doing my brain cells a favor by stopping. Anyway. I think I have to learn how to PRAY MORE, ’cause I know that if I focus more on being spiritually full, all these things wouldn’t even matter anyway.
So yeah. This is a useless blog. Thank you for wasting your time reading this. Congratulations on being a victim of my trying-to-get-back-to-writing entry. Hope all is well with you and that you’re doing things that are good for your soul. 🙂