So much has been going on nowadays with some people I love most. It’s actually quite unnerving, the fact that they seem to be happening one after the other. Even more so, while we are commemorating the death of our Lord.
In these situations, I’m ashamed to admit that I feel quite lost… useless, even. So much so that I had to Google how to properly go about them. I am equally ashamed to admit that I’ve been going about it all wrong. How? Well the article I read noted down these things:
- Don’t try to cheer the person up. Let him or her grieve.
- Don’t say, “It’s all part of God’s plan” or “He’s in a better place now.”
To be truly honest, I literally do not know how to handle grief. Firstly, probably because I always think life is filled with rainbows and butterflies. Secondly, because I’ve accepted the notion of death many years ago — how it’s but the next great adventure. (But then again, that could just be the rainbows and butterflies talking. Maybe if I experience grief myself, I wouldn’t view the world as such anymore. Or maybe I would, since I’ve long accepted that when things go wrong, God always has a reason for making them happen. I’m not sure. I hope I don’t find out the harsh way.)
I’ve tried applying the things I’ve learned in my conversations today. PMS has got me thinking, though: do people actually believe me when I say I’m here for them? Do I actually believe myself whenever I say I’m there for them?
If you were to ask me this 10 years ago, I would have probably said no. Ashamed, yet again, to admit that I was a lousy-ass person back in the day. Caring was alien to me and my number one priority was self-preservation. That’s probably still 40% true but I’ve, (un)fortunately(?), recently acquired this thing called “empathy” and now life is just messed up and emotion-filled. Kidding (about life being messed up).
The one thing I really hope right now is that they believe me when I say I’m here for them, even if I’m not physically, because I am. And my supposedly non-existent heart breaks in accordance with theirs. I wish I could hug them, hug their pains away. But all I could do is pray, for their loved ones and for their strength, and hope that God fast forwards His timeline.
To add to all these, PMS (yes, you’re the culprit!) has also got me thinking about just withdrawing from some people. I’m tired and honestly disappointed. For the lack of affirmation, dedication, and confirmation. Maybe I’m being selfish and unreasonable and PMS-y but I don’t know. Please pray that I get over this soon.
Sigh # 2.
I guess one thing’s for certain: the cold bothers me now. But I’m glad I have God’s love to keep me warm.