Distante De Dios

One of the things I shared with the priest when I had my confession last Sunday was how I, at that time, felt distant from God. I know for a fact this isn’t true and that God is always there, but I also know that sin separates us from God. And I honestly feel this every time I have my bouts of meanness, or when I do something to hurt other people.

I used to think this was just something religious people said, but now that I’ve found myself in a deeper relationship with Christ, I learned that it isn’t just a concept people throw around. It’s real. Much as how one would eventually have a thirst for God once one knows more about Him. I thought this was an over-reaction until I found myself in a situation where I honestly felt spiritually dry. Every cell in my body longed for His nurturing. I needed to attend praise & worship! I longed for the teachings! I couldn’t explain why but I just needed to be surrounded by His love!

Going back, I noticed that whenever I do something I know is wrong, I also end up spending less time in prayer. I’m not sure if it’s me unconsciously acknowledging my unworthiness but it honestly happens! No matter how hard I try, I always end up getting distracted or else just doing the prayer version of small talk. I think my obsessive-compulsiveness also comes into play because I don’t feel like I’ve had adequate prayer time unless I start off with reading the word for the day and then reflecting on it. Is that weird? I’m pretty sure it is, given that God does not look into the length or complication of a prayer more than He does the actual act of conversing with Him.

The priest I talked to had a very amusing take on the matter [of my feeling distant]. We had quite a long conversation while I was trying my best to kneel down on one knee (since my left is still inoperative ATM). He first told me that there is no one position when praying; we can do it while seated, standing up, lying down, in transit, etc. Therefore, there is no reason to feel distant and lose time in prayer since God is pretty much accessible 24/7.

The next thing he asked was what I did for a living. I told him I was a flight attendant. Local or international? Both. Do you fly to Europe or America? Both. And he goes on about how there is a lot of down time on long haul flights. “You’re not always asleep when you’re done serving passengers, right?” (He seems to know a lot about our job.) “So after your passengers have finished asking for their share of drinks and you’ve fed them whatever good food you have onboard, and you find yourself seated in the dark cabin — pray. Talk to God. You can not claim that you are distant from God, up there, 40,000 feet above sea level! You wake up from your rest and you are literally in heaven!” We both chuckled lightly.

That was quite the unorthodox confession, but I liked it because it wasn’t simply dismissing someone by absolving their sins; the priest actually took the time to listen and give a fresh perspective on the things that bothered me. It was relatable and I felt God was, indeed, speaking to me through him. But also, I liked the bit about the distance. Like you had a sense that your prayer signal was stronger since you were closer to the recipient.

I’m slowly getting back on track on the prayer time thing, as I usually do after every confession. But I think now, my new takeaway is that I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, or rigid when it comes to my prayer time. I should talk to Him whenever I can and not just when I am at home, lying on my bed. I especially need to be fervent in my prayer time now that LSE is coming up. Sigh. The warfare is real.

So, how about you? What’s your prayer routine? Have you ever gone through the same thing?

Wake Within Me

I have the most random of stories that led to the most random of realizations today, which I feel I need to blog about before I go to sleep.

So this afternoon, I left for church to attend the shepherding seminar something something for my *first official job* as a covenanted member. (Exciting stuff, TBQH.) Anyway, I opted to book a GrabCar ’cause I was already in a hurry. What was interesting was, when I got in, I found that my driver was listening to some pastor preaching about random Christian issues. I saw myself nodding in agreement upon hearing terms like “bitter roots” and so on. I didn’t ask him about his religion until we got to traverse half the stretch of Skyway. First, because I didn’t want a repeat of my previous GrabCar driver and his unnecessary shoving down/hard selling of his chosen religion. Second, because I didn’t want to find myself in a situation where there’s an awkward silence in between dialogues. HAHAHAHA I AM SO BAD AT SMALL TALK. #introversion

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Be Still

… and know that He is God, says Psalm 46:10.

I woke up this morning fully aware of the life I’m living and all the blessings I have received thus far. Until now, I am amazed at how truly loving and generous our God is and I couldn’t help but look back and think what I have done right to deserve all that I am enjoying right now.

Don’t get me wrong; my life is far from perfect. But I realized that all the big dreams and goals I set for myself — ones that needed to happen for my life to change forever — are now realities and items checked off my so-called list. And all these happened because I chose to be still and know that He is God.

Vague? Not quite. My current job and my fiancé are solid proofs of this claim. How? In these two major life decisions, I did not consult anyone but God… and some of His angels.

Still vague. Expounding.

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Sunday Soupie #003

* Late upload because I couldn’t access my site. My web host said the server blocked my IP. Whut.

Hello, fellow wanderers!

Can’t believe it’s been a month already since my last Soupie! So much for starting a weekly routine. Hihi. But man, a lot has happened in the past 4 weeks, considering I’ve practically been on vacation since the start of November.

Here is a rundown of excuses valid reasons for the past weeks of non-Souping:

November 1: Was in Abu Dhabi
November 8: Life in the Spirit Experience #15, plus a spur-of-the-moment trip to Vigan!
November 15: Church outreach activity

And now, November 22, part 2 of the church outreach activity after having just arrived from Bohol!!!

Wew. Out of work and still loaded as forks. Whattuuuuup. (This is my own doing, of course.)

Anyhooz. Today’s Soupie will focus mostly on the happenings of the past two weeks.

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Sunday Soupie #002

* Late upload due to… jet lag? Yeah, let’s go with that.

I am writing this while on the train to Reading (ooh, #AccidentalPun) since we have quite a lot of time to kill. My friend P and I are going on a day trip to Oxford (finally!) and will hopefully try to make our way back to Central London in time for Hillsong and Catholic mass.

With that paragraph alone, it seems I have already written the A & B for this week’s Soupie, but there is still sooooo much more to this story. So here goes!

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Sunday Soupie #001

I love Sundays. 

Back in my school days up until before I got employed, Sundays meant celebrating with the Lord, spending quality time with the fambam (seeing my cutie niece, S, at church; eating lunch out with the parentals and biological frenemies [siblings]), and taking the time to rest and reflect on life matters before plunging into another hectic week.

As I have mentioned before, things have changed. My schedule, for one, knows no weekends or holidays or standard 5-day work days. This time around, I count in flying hours. I have my whole month plotted out for me by other people and it’s up to me to decide when to include my (anti-)social activities. But, I also have the option to bid for, or exchange, work days with someone in case I need to be somewhere at a specific date. So I guess my schedule is more flexible? LOL I don’t know.

All I know is that my Sundays have not been spent the same way since. Sometimes they’re spent in another country and I find myself hearing mass at some century-old cathedral… or not at all (if that other country is in the Middle East). Sometimes they’re spent going the extra mile by attending Hillsong services. Sometimes they’re spent with my church community (mostly for practices with the Praise ministry). And sometimes they’re spent working, making me attend anticipated mass instead.

I realized today that I miss the order that Sundays bring to my life. Right now, there aren’t any more “hectic weeks” to take a break from, caused by my being an ulirang mag-aaral (LOL whatevs) or corporate elf. My offs also fall on weekdays so there go my need for “rest”. I spend time with my family and friends then, though it still isn’t the same. I guess what I’m trying to say is that the only thing I have total control over is the time to (force myself to) reflect, so I decided to start another series of posts which I am calling my Sunday Soupie. Think random thoughts and alphabet soup (which is also pretty random, hihi).

I am hoping to make this a weekly thing to, you know, try to bring back a certain order to not only my Sundays, but my life and, oh gosh, this blog. I am not promising anything because I am bad at keeping blog-related promises so I’ll just get right to it.

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Traditions

It’s my first time to visit Melbourne and the first item on my itinerary was to attend Hillsong service and go to mass. Today’s experience was extra fabulous ’cause I got to spend it with my wonderful co-cabin crew.

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