It’s my first day off from work for 2015 (as my boyfriend [yes, whuuut] has astutely pointed out), and I finally have the time to sit down and (try to) put into words something I have reflected on quite a few times the past year.
I’ve talked to a lot of friends about 2014 and how truly amazing it was for me. I’m not sure if it was because I had a so-so 2013, but 2014 was just really full of blessings upon blessings I couldn’t even wrap my head around. This, of course, doesn’t apply to all my friends, although most of them agree it was also fantastic for them. But anyway, whenever I find myself thinking about what I have done to deserve such blessings, I just end up totally dumbstruck. It was today, though, that I did a Zedd (found my Moment of Clarity, LOLZ).
I’mma let you in on a little secret: I’ve only started counting “awesome” years since my second birth date (i.e. 2010). Don’t get me wrong, my school days were also fantastic, but I feel now that I really wasn’t myself then, if you get what I mean. Funny story, I had just recently revisited my high school LiveJournal and (unfortunately) shown it to the boyf without first reading it thoroughly. What I reread totally caught me (and him, I’m sure) off-guard. Well, no, not really, but I didn’t expect my high school self to be THAT bad, at least. I obvi have selective memory. To give you an overview: cursing, ranting, and more cursing and ranting. Hahahaha. Hahaha. Haha. Ha. Hmm. But yeah, seriously, I was such a drama queen. I made issues out of non-issues. #immaturity2005
Now, 2014, this is the year to beat. I got my dream job, a surprise blessing, the opportunity to serve the Lord through song, and the chance to visit my dream destination. The learnings have not stopped since then.
But seriously, why? I CAN NOT UNDERSTAND. What have I done to deserve this? Then again, today, I thought, maybe I’m asking the wrong questions. Maybe the right thing to ask is what has changed? What have I added or subtracted in my life for me to come to this point? To this, I could only think of one answer: GOD.
In all this time that I have started giving importance to the life I have been blessed with, I have been most conscious about God — His goodness, His mercy, and His great hold on me. The past few years? They weren’t sh*t. Actually, even if 2014 was crappy, I’d probably still think it was okay, because I would still hold on to the hope that things would eventually get better.
That’s it. HOPE. If I were to be thankful for anything, it would really be HOPE. The promise of hope community has taught me that could only come from God. Hope He has given me to create dreams to chase after, hold on when trials abound, trust that unselfish love exists, and see the good despite the haze of oppression. I think 2014 was by far the best because I have experienced so much hardships in my 2013, and it was the year after that His promise of prospering and not harming and giving us more than we could ever imagine came to be. It was in 2014 that I realized the magnitude of God’s grace, mercy, and love. Grabe lang, guys, can I just say? IBA SI LORD MAMIGAY. O.A. SIYA.
And if you faithfully obey the voice of the Lord your God, being careful to do all his commandments that I command you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth. And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, if you obey the voice of the Lord your God. Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the field. Blessed shall be the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your ground and the fruit of your cattle, the increase of your herds and the young of your flock. Blessed shall be your basket and your kneading bowl. (Deuteronomy 28:1-68)
(More quotes on ABUNDANCE, guys. His promises are wonderful and I am a witness to their fulfillment.)
Sigh. My faith has been tested many times the past year and I have honestly felt disconnected from Him. But despite all these, He always gives me the opportunity to come back. Once even, through my Intercessory shepherd, He sent me a message. My shepherd said, “What you’re feeling now isn’t disconnection from God but rather, increased consciousness of His presence in your life.” Like, since my relayshe with Him is deeper now, whenever I miss out on reading the Word for the day, I end up thirsty. And this shouldn’t be mistaken for disconnection. That was such a beautiful message. One that I needed to hear. Thank You.
Reflecting on it now, I’m not really sure how my life would be if I hadn’t found God. I’d probably still be lost, purposeless, trying to find meaning in worldly things.
In 2015, I resolve to further strengthen my relationship with Him. Now that I am not burdened with regularization-related stuff, I can go on focusing again on things that really matter. This is going to be a big year for the Philippines, what with Pope Francis coming to visit. It’s going to be a big year for our community as well as we celebrate #ServantLeadership2 in July. Plus, there’s the annual Singles Encounter Weekend where I’ll be serving again, yay. 🙂
My prayer for you in 2015 is that you would be able to establish a connection with Him as well. I hope things work out for you in all aspects of your life. Keep dreaming and keep praying! Claim victory! Believe that you have received what you’re asking for and it shall be done for you. (Mark 11:24)
Have a blessed 2015, my friends! Hope to be able to interact with you more this year. 🙂