And he said to them, ‘Suppose one of you has a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say to him, “Friend, lend me three loaves of bread;for a friend of mine has arrived, and I have nothing to set before him.”And he answers from within, “Do not bother me; the door has already been locked, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot get up and give you anything.” I tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, at least because of his persistence he will get up and give him whatever he needs.
‘So I say to you, Ask, and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for a fish, will give a snake instead of a fish? Or if the child asks for an egg, will give a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!’ – Luke 11:1-13 (NRSV)
God has been sending me so many signs the past week. A fortnight prior, I had found myself hopeless in prayer; crying, asking God what exactly He wanted from me and if I should just give up on my dream, seeing as He still hasn’t given it to me.
In church, we had been taught that when we pray, we shouldn’t ask in such a way that we’re giving Him a timeline. Instead, we should pray for what He wants for us and adhere to His timeline. So that’s what I’m doing. Let me just be honest and say that WAITING ON THE LORD IS NOT EASY. It’s so hard, in fact, that I often find myself breaking down out of frustration.
But I don’t think He likes seeing me in a state of utter disarray so, as usual, He went on and sent me messages — through last Thursday’s community teaching on Christian Faith (“How can you claim to have faith and have a hint of fear and doubt at the same time?”) and the past Sunday’s readings (Abraham’s persistence in the First Reading + the passage above). I can practically hear him whispering:
“Trust in me, Abby. I have plans for you and I will give you what you want at exactly the right time.”
“Have faith and persist, my child. Do not tire in asking me for what you need, as I have never tired in seeking you and providing all your needs.”
“Konting lambing pa.” (Oh, Lord, You are the only one who can make me do this. LOL.)
When I stop and think about it, though, He never really told me to drop the dream. If He wanted me to, He could have just denied my application then and there. But He gave me a 50% chance, which is even more than what I expected, given the circumstances. Whenever my mom points out that it’s probably not for me, I always tell her that. And every time I pray, I always ask God what He wants for/from me, and nothing new ever comes up.
Imagine this: I’ve sent in applications to five different companies. I had an interview with one of them, didn’t get the position I wanted but was offered another; the four others, never heard from at all. I mean, if He wanted me to be somewhere else, I’m pretty sure I’d be there by now. But I’m not! And it seems like everything I’ve been doing lately has just been in preparation for THIS DREAM.
So I guess that’s it. I have to PERSIST. I have to BELIEVE. I have to TRUST and have FAITH without a hint of doubt. I must always remember that what He does is for my good.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11