Yesterday was a day of intense rumination. One of the thoughts I processed, which T encouraged me to blog about, was the kind of relationship I wanted in life.
I realized I wanted a Middle School type of relationship.
By this, I mean I would want to get into a relationship for these reasons, and these reasons alone: the pure, unadulterated feelings of happiness, the courtship mind games, and the Disney kisses.
Recently, I figured, this is probably one of the reasons why I still haven’t found The One, or at least The First One, besides my having “impossibly high standards”. The first quarter of this year, I have been sent people who want just one thing (and boy, were they clear on their agenda). This left me thinking that either a) the probability of guys my age who want the same type of relationship as I do has gone down considerably due to post-modern times or b) I have just been hanging out at the wrong place, at the wrong time.
It’s probably both.
This makes me a bit sad, TBQH. Call me an idealistic prude (or a unicorn), but I feel strongly about WAITING. To me, marriage and sex are sacred. So are relationships or anything that require commitment. That’s also one of the reasons why I still haven’t gone into a relationship; not because opportunities haven’t presented themselves, but because I don’t want to commit to something I’m not sure I could see through to the end. I value commitments and I need someone who views them the same way as I do.
This is also why I am against the idea of divorce. Why get into a marriage if you plan on separating eventually? Marriage is supposed to be the ultimate covenant — a PROMISE and a DECISION to love each other FOREVER. If you find something wrong, DECIDE to work on it, don’t just give up! If you plan on separating eventually, just don’t get married. That’s all there is to it.
Y and I randomly talked about that the other day and he said something like, “I don’t know, man! It’s the reason why parenting is horrible in the US, but also the reason why couples in the Philippines are struggling. I’m not pro-divorce but I see its benefits. I dunno, it’s hard. If you had asked me this before, I would have flat-out said NO, but I don’t see things in black and white anymore.” He mentioned something about joint finances and stuff like that and all I could think was: Marriage isn’t supposed to be about worldly things. It’s supposed to be about LOVE.
Sigh. Nothing is sacred anymore. Like virginity, apparently. There’s a reason behind the white wedding dress. At least have your dress made in off-white so we can tell the difference.
But anyway, I digress.
I want a Middle School type of relationship.
I want someone who would be game to do the silliest and most random things at the drop of a hat. I want someone to watch Disney movies with; someone I could build a fort with, under which we would just talk about our dreams and ambitions. I want someone to be able to tell everything to, and give me kisses and hugs when I’m down. I want someone who would hold my hand and tell me that everything will be okay. I want someone who genuinely loves me for me; my brains, and my personality. Someone who thinks I’m BEAUTIFUL, and not SEXY. Also, slightly mature requirement: I want someone who believes in God.
Maybe it’s naive for me to think this way, but I couldn’t possibly be the only one? T mentioned how she and her high school friends got around to talking about this and how they know for a fact that there are still guys out there who fit the bill.
So… wrong place, wrong time? Dang, I sure hope so.
P.S. I have been obsessed with Andrew Rannells recently. And this is just the sweetest, most appropriate song ever. Listen. Appreciate. And don’t mind that the interviewer cut him off in the end. LOL.