Single Girl Diaries: Introduction


This topic has been dorm-ing on my planner for quite some time now. I finally got around to discussing it with my friends a couple days ago and one of them suggested I go through with blogging about it (just for future reference). Been having an internal debate on whether or not I really should just because it’s quite a personal topic, but then the universe has been giving me signs lately so here goes nothing.

First things first.

1) This entry is not a cry for help (will be discussed further as you read on).
2) This entry is personal and slightly embarrassing. Insensitive people may vacate the premises.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you like it then you should have put a ring on it!

 (From Tumblr)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi, I’m Abby and I’ve never had a boyfriend. If we were to regard 13 years old as the proper age to start having boyfriends, I’ve been boyfriend-less for exactly 11 years and 42 days now. No, I don’t find this depressing because I enjoy my being single very, very much. I am, of course, not exempted from having thoughts every now and then about relationship stuff. Written below are some of these thoughts and some rationalizations as to why I am still single.

WARNING: I have the tendency to jump from one topic to another. That’s just me being a Gemini… and a bad writer… but I hope you get my point nonetheless. XD

 

It’s not me, it’s you.

Back in my low self-esteem days, whenever I had my Why Am I Single (let’s call it WAIS [haha, see what I did there!]) moments, I kept asking myself, “What’s wrong with me?” Often, my brain would point out physical flaws, or my knack for blurting stuff out without thinking them through, or my nerdiness and immaturity. For a while, I was satisfied with that answer, until I started embracing my imperfections and basically loving myself and being content with who I was/am. And then I realized (with a bit of help from my friends), that it was also probably because I had so many standards. If you ask me upfront if I have standards, though, I will deny it to death. Because I don’t have standards! I DON’T! I REALLY DON’T!

But we all know that’s a lie.

Yes, fine, I have standards. But they’re pretty attainable. Off the top of my head (and according to my friends’ analyses): has to be either a brilliant musician/dancer/overachiever (friend’s words, not mine, so this is optional), has to be witty, has to have good grammar and communication skills, believes in God, does not have any vices, loves his mom… and the list goes onTHERE IS NO LIST. As of now, though, the only people who fit the bill are Daniel Radcliffe, Zac Efron, Robert Downey Jr. (and/or Tony Stark), and Shawn Spencer (and/or James Roday).

The Circle of Life

My best friend surprised me last week by articulating my “no settling” mentality. I don’t have a boyfriend because I don’t want to settle (down). There have been days in the past when I thought, “Why didn’t I just pick him?” But then I immediately argue back saying, “Why should I have to settle for him? Am I not allowed to be with someone better?”

Indeed, are we not allowed to be with someone better? Someone we deserve and someone who deserves us? Sad reality: most of the time, the person that fits your standards also has standards in which YOU don’t fit. As the old adage goes — we always want what we can’t have. In the end, you still settle. But somehow, at that moment, it just seems right.

The thin, thin line.

There have been a handful brave enough to walk through the yellow brick road. Unfortunately, none of them have encountered the wonderful Wizard of Oz.  The Wicked Witch sent out tests and sadly, some lost courage, some didn’t have enough heart, and some didn’t have enough brains. Either that, or they encountered Gandalf along the way while he was having one of his YOU SHALL NOT PASS! moments. #NerdinessAlert

The real thought: There’s a thin line between having high standards and making excuses so as not to commit. I mean, I’m not perfect, so why am I being choosy? I’d like to still blame it on my non-existent standards, but I feel like the real reason is that I’m afraid to commit. I want to get into a relationship that would last forever (idealistic, I know) and I’m afraid of getting into something where I would be the last one standing. Or where I would be the one who obviously loved more. Because, really, I may seem like the aloof, always-on-guard sort of person, but that’s only because I’m afraid of getting hurt. If you’re lucky enough to break that whole facade, though, you would know that I’m perfectly capable of smothering you. So there.

I think advertising is lame.

I know a couple of people who always whine about being single or post *subtle* status messages that *subtly* hint that they’re looking to be in a relationship. I firmly believe that love is something that finds you and not the other way around, so the mere idea of talking about it already irks me. Which is exactly why I’ve been having the internal To post or not to post? That is the question! debate, because I don’t want people to think that I’m looking for a relationship. That, and because I don’t want, ehem, flies to think they’re now free to swoop in. #FeelingeraStatement

Someday my prince will come?

My brother once told me that no matter how cynical I am at present about this topic, someday, I would find my equal. In his words: Balang-araw mahahanap mo rin ang katapat mo! AKA the prince charming to my Disney princess, the Harry to my Voldemort (LOL). The one who isn’t perfect, but is the PERFECT ONE for ME.

It seems fair to be hopeful about it at my age but I wonder when the right age would be to stop hoping? Not that I want to stop hoping, just that one can only wait so long. I wonder when you will know that it’s the right time to just give up and accept a vocation in single blessedness? Hee. After what my thesis mentor told me about her getting married in her 40s, though, I figure nothing is impossible. But who knows, really? I guess we’ll just have to wait.

Well, that’s it. More thoughts soon, hopefully. Welcome to the inner recesses of my brain. 🙂 And to the single ladies (and gents), this is a safe space to discuss your thoughts. Go ahead, don’t be shy!

41 comments

  1. I’m 22. I’ve been on dates. I have had guys ask me out and I have had guys be really into me. But I have never had a boyfriend. I am awkward, bookish, artsy, and I dig British Tele and french films. So, after all the options I have had over all my dating life, I know I could have had a boyfriend, many times, but, I, also, know that none of those were for me. I don’t regret my choices. I am confident enough to know what is right for me.

    1. Same here! Can totally relate! 🙂 Someday, the right one will come! Thanks for visiting, BTW! 😀

  2. I remembered how I tried dating once when I was only on 6th grade because of peer pressure. Didn’t last a month. Totally regretful of it:D I’ve been single ever since and now I’m approaching 20. Strongly agree that you shouldn’t bother dating until you find someone worth all the bother.
    Great way of putting things, love your blog and how I can relate to you (glad we are tied to similar fandoms!)

    1. Thanks for dropping by and giving this post a glance. 😀 Harry Potter fan? If so, welcome, welcome to my blog. (Dumbledore voice) LOL.

  3. i applaud you for beng so honest. im only young and yet to have boyfriend but i really couldnt care less at this point in time. I’d much rather wait until i’ve finished school.
    I agree with mulberry, you seem like a fantastic person and any man would be lucky to have you.
    P.S I agree with your thoughts on Zac Efron – total perfection. x

    1. You should totally go with that no-boyfriend-till-after-I’ve-graduated idea. You won’t want the drama while you’re studying ’cause uni life is already as stressful as it is. 🙂

      Thanks for visiting. And yes, Zac Efron. *drools*

  4. It seems to me you are just the right sort of woman just the right sort man is waiting for – and because you are above all introspective and intelligent it’s going to be great when you find each other!

    1. Wow thank you so much! 🙂

  5. Crap! I wrote you a lovely comment about dating and how to find the love of your life, and the comment monster ate.it.up.
    I’ll try again. My best dating advice is if someone asks you on a date say yes. You can go for coffee, drinks or dinner. If at anytime you are not having a good time you can leave. There is no reason to stay if it is horrible. But one day you will find yourself on a date with someone you would have never thought twice about and you will not want to leave. Pick that one. They are the one.
    {I found you on Truth and Cake}

    1. Heyyy, I got your previous comment. Hihi. Server problems, methinks. 😉

      About going out with someone and seeing if it works out, I dunno… I’m kind of scared of that, to be honest. I’d rather not go with it at all than give them hope and potentially hurt them in the future, if you get what I mean? But I dunno. Maybe one of these days, I could try it out. Thanks for this! 🙂

  6. I had my first ‘real’ boyfriend at 25, so you’re not alone in that. My best dating advice: if they ask you out, say yes. You can go for coffee, a drink, or dinner and if at anytime you don’t like them you can say something like thank you for the lovely {drinks, coffee, appetizer}, but this isn’t working for me. And move on. There will be that date you go on with someone you would not have looked twice at and realize that you never want to leave. Pick that one, They are the one you never want to be away from.
    {I found you from Truth and Cake}

  7. I will talk from the older person’s point of view. I have been married twice. I would much rather be single, as now, than be in another marriage where I feel as bad as I feel then. Not going to blame anyone here (I can do that in my blog!). I do agree with the idea that love is going to find you, though I don’t see anything wrong with looking. You are young; my son is not married and is in his early 30’s. He is confident, though, that he will marry when he finds the right person. Oh yes, stop looking for perfection; settling isn’t settling if you are truly happy. If your first requirement were that the guy be over 6 feet tall, you have really cut out a lot of wonderful guys just for looks. Be smart and be happy.
    Scott

    1. Hello there! I’m not looking for perfection, just the perfect guy for me. 🙂 And definitely not required to be over 6 feet tall (I’m from the Philippines, that’s a bit of a rarity, hahaha!). Thank you for this! I will (continue to) be smart and happy! Heehee. 😀

  8. Having high standards is great and important. I wish more women had the courage to demand high standards from relationships. But I have to warn you that Rob Downey Jr is an atheist and Daniel Radcliffe has an ongoing feud with his mother. Andrew (via Truth and Cake)

    1. This comment made me laugh! Dan is an atheist too! But then again he’s Harry Potter. And RDJ is RDJ. And they’re both witty and weird and gorgeous. HAHA! Thanks for visiting! Nice to hear from a guy. 🙂

  9. I found you on Truth and Cake! Try to remember that you are so young… you don’t know it now, but you’ll look back and realize how much life you have ahead of you. Advertising IS lame, and the fairy tale we grew up with isn’t reality. Make your own fairy tale and don’t settle for something that’s not right. PS Justin Timberlake cracks me up in that mini video!
    amber at theusualbliss.com

    1. What if you live all those years and still nothing? (Haha, this isn’t an emo reply, I just wanted to pick your brain. XD) And yes, JT is too funny in this one!!!

  10. Hi Abby! I love this post. I also admire you for hitting the publish button on something so personal. Keep doing what you’re doing. Family, society, and Disney may sometimes make you think something’s wrong with you for not being in a relationship at this age. I know so many girls who are desperate to get married right now, Prince Charming or not. They’re the crazy ones. Keep being your beautiful, nerdy self and someday love will happen. Don’t settle!

    1. Thank you so much for this! And yes, I promise not to settle!

  11. Well, I was 24 when I had my first boyfriend, and I have to admitt, I did wanted to have one but if I waited so long it was because I didn’t wanted to be whit some jerk that could just use me.
    Now I’m in love like crazy, we have been thogueter for 1/2 years and it have been awesome but kind of hard because I’m still learning stuff that are silly, I do not regret waiting, not ashame either, and I’m glad that is not an issue for you, for me it was (just for a few weeks) but I have learn that the more you enjoy being single,mthe more you enjoy having someone that will love you and share your life.
    I receive like a million critics for being single, they told me how picky I was anted that because of that I will end up being miserable but is not true and I havent had a crappy relationship because of the rush to be with someone or not be able to be alone.
    Loved your post!

    1. Thank you! For the insight as well! 🙂

  12. Hi Abby! I found your blog from Rian’s “Freshly Press Yourself” post and… I love this post! You seem honest and authentic and you managed to keep your sense of humour while talking about what could be a very sensitive topic. Love it!!
    PS I didn’t have my first serious relationship until after I had finished university and been working for a couple of years…so you’re not the only one who’s going/has gone through this!

    1. Why, thank you! And thank you for dropping by! 🙂 *Sorta* relieved to know I’m not the only one. Hee.

  13. I’m glad you blogged this. Bold and brave, and a few years (more or less, who knows) you’ll have to go and blog again about what’s changed. i was single most of my ‘young’ life. and now I’m not. i’ve got friends far far older than you who still battle this same question (in fact one of them blogged about it on our blog, mother sugar). Keep heart, stay true, know your worth. And all will be well.

    1. I’ll make sure to blog about the changes when they come and see if it lives up to the hype. Hee. Thanks for dropping by! 🙂

  14. Oh, where do I begin to even comment on this? You’re are but a youngling and still have many years ahead of you. 🙂

    1. Dadaf made me do it. *points* Kidding. XD

      1. yes I did, and I’m taking all the credit, MWAHAHAHAHA! 😀

        1. You iz allowed to claim full ownership in ze blog you are to write! Hihihi!

      2. Hahaha. I DMed you on Twitter.

        1. Got it, Prof. G! I’ll read it in full when I get to school later. 😀

  15. I’ve not had (m)any serious relationships. Know what? I’m not really looking: I don’t believe that bringing in another person into a life makes that life complete. Many people look for and rebound back into relationships because they believe that, though. If you’re a strong woman who can stand alone and complete without needing a man, I say celebrate it, sister! 🙂

    1. Celebrating as we speak! Hihi!

  16. Ang discriminating naman ng list na yan hahahaha wala lang just passing by 🙂

    1. Hahahahaha sakin lang naman yun eh. 🙂

  17. I was 24 years old when I had my first serious relationship. And let me tell you something, he’s one of the biggest regrets of my life. I don’t believe in regrets and think eveything happens for a reason. But when you’ve got court hearings and debts coming out of your ears, then I think it’s alright to have regrets! So certainly don’t feel you’re missing out by being single!

    1. To be perfectly honest, I don’t feel like I’m missing out. I guess it’s just one of those things you wonder about ’cause you haven’t experienced it yet. But it’s all good. Thanks for this! Definitely another thing to keep in mind before getting into a relationship. 🙂

  18. can’t find the like button so here i am commenting. i can relat to this and i totally understand you 🙂

    1. Hey, thanks for dropping by! Glad to know it’s not just me. Hehe.

  19. As a founding member of the Wise Fraternity, let me ask you this: what do wise men say?

    Sing it!!!

    *this will serve as my short reply to a very interesting blog entry. Longer reply is TBA*

    1. Only fools rush in? HAHAHAHAHA!

      I forgot to add this song to my entry: http://youtu.be/I_bEWXs_FX4

      I will wait forever for that entry, Daf. ALWAYS AND FOREVER (well, hopefully this week naman published na, hahaha). #pressure :))

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