PHP-FACine – 10,000 BC – Roland Emmerich – 2008


WARNING: This is a hate post.

So yes. I absolutely hated this movie. I watched it in the cinema the time it came out, with a boy I used to like (this fact may or may not have contributed to the reason why I hated the film, haha). But anyway, I’ve already forgotten 98% of what happened in the film, meaning the plot’s obviously suck-ish and forgettable, and I’m too lazy to research about it.

Okay, fine, I’ll research about it. *runs to Wikipedia*

Oh, wow, even reading about the plot on Wikipedia makes you KNOW it was a horrible movie.

Anyway, from what I remember, these were my EXPECTATIONS:

– That it would be an epic adventure movie.
– That it would persuade me to read up on historical shizz.
– That it would BLOW. MY. MIND.

REALITY:

– It was a failure LOVE story that wasn’t even really a love story due to the overall EPIC FAILURE-NESS of the script. Like in the end, I was all, oh, so was it supposed to be a love story…? Or a journey movie with lots of walking? Maybe the director likes filming long shots. Yeah, let’s go with that.
– It’s a period movie, set 10,000 years before Christ. That’s all. And I know this ’cause the props, make-up, costume, AND title suggested it was so. At least they got that part right?
– Blew my mind, alright! Hear that? That’s the sound of my veins popping from too much stress at how stupid the movie was.

0 out of 5 stars. Nothing more, possibly less. You could have fed starving children with the money you used to produce that movie. Shame on you.

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